Weddings

 

Weddings

 In the space of three months, I attended three weddings or, more accurately, three evening parties. The evening party is only one part of the wedding, as I’ll explain. For the record, all three brides gave me permission to publish photographs from their weddings on this blog.

Traditional Thai weddings extend over two days. The first day is at the home of the bride’s or groom’s parents. Monks are invited to give blessings and the family makes merit by giving them gifts of food and money. Usually only family members and very close friends are invited. I’m not sure what other events take place the first day.

The second day may be at the home of the bride’s parents, or it may be held at a hotel or banquet hall. Either way, the ceremonies, which are extremely important to the families as a means of making public the couple’s commitment to each other, do not confer legal status on the marriage.  The couple must register their marriage at the district office to have it legally recognized.

The first bride who invited me to her wedding is Mie (pronounced “me”), an English teacher at a school near here, and a friend of my co-teacher’s. The first day’s events took place at her parents’ home. Here is a picture of the bride and groom kneeling to receive blessings.

The evening party was on the second day, at a hotel in the city where the groom works, about three hours from here. The picture below shows what the banquet room looked like before guests began arriving.

 The next picture shows the groom having entered the room singing to his bride – he is a musician and composer. His plan had been to surprise her with his serenade, but in the end he had to tell her, because she kept asking why he needed a spotlight. The lack of surprise doesn’t seem to have spoiled the fun.

 Here I am with my co-teacher, Nook-Nik (standing between her friends Kim and Tookta) and another teacher, Chinnakorn. Nook-Nik and Chinnakorn were the Emcees for the evening. They had rehearsed their lines, and had scripts to keep them focused on messages about family, commitment, and love.

 The second invitation came from my former host family in the village – I lived with them from April through July before moving into a rental house. The bride is my host “sister” (much younger than me); she and her son were living with her parents/my host “parents.” The wedding invitation came on a Sunday. I was at home, working on this and that, and had been hearing music and merrymaking in the village off and on during the day but hadn’t checked it out. When a student came over for her English tutoring session in the afternoon, I asked her what was going on.  Oh, she said, someone is getting married.  Two hours later my former host “father” showed up to hand-deliver an invitation and told me to be at their house by 6pm! Short notice, but doubtless he thought I knew about the wedding, since everyone else in the village did. As an aside, all three brides hand-delivered their wedding invitation or had someone hand-deliver it for them. Surely they must have mailed invitations to people who live far away, but personal delivery seems to be preferred.

Here is the bride under a balloon arch in the yard. All parts of this wedding took place at her family’s home.

The next picture shows Gung, the bride, and Noi, her husband, with their parents on the stage that was erected for speeches and karaoke. The words above their heads spell Gung and Noi in Thai letters. The man behind Gung is a family friend.

The speeches at this party were more casual and teasing than at Mie’s wedding, but totally good-natured and inoffensive. I was asked to make a speech too, with the option do it in English, but I managed to say almost everything in Thai. Here I am at a table with the bride and groom behind me. I’m wearing a cotton jacket that is typical for this area (Isaan/northeastern Thailand); it was a gift from the bride.

Unfortunately I couldn't attend the ceremonies that took place the following day (Monday – a school day!), but Gung generously shared pictures with me.  This is a picture of Gung and her parents sitting on the bed that the parents and other family members had prepared for the couple.

Preparing the marriage bed is an old custom that is performed to ensure a happy and long-lasting relationship. The bed is supposed to be made by an elderly couple whose own marriage is of long duration. Each of the three brides incorporated this tradition into her wedding.

The next picture shows Gung and Noi seated in a circle of family and friends in her parents’ home, getting ready for the string ceremony, which is part of every significant event. (You can read more about this tradition in my first post, “Thai String-Tying Ceremony”). You can see the strings draped over small rods, which people will tie around the couple’s wrists shortly.

The picture below is included just because the bride and groom look so happy and festive in their beautiful wedding clothes.

The third invitation was from Nook-Nik, my co-teacher. The first day’s ceremonies for family and close friends took place at the home of her husband’s family in a different province. The evening party was on the second day, at a school in the town where her parents live. The assembly hall was transformed into a banquet hall. Here is the image she used on the cover of the wedding invitation, enlarged as a cardboard cutout to show the way into the hall.

In the picture below, you see the couple greeting their guests for photo ops. There were well over 200 guests at this wedding, which meant a lot of pictures for Nook-Nik and her husband, Dui, to pose for!

The next picture shows me and three fellow-teachers at our table – as you can see, there was plenty of food.

The three weddings had similar menus. First there are appetizers (nuts, pickled vegetables, fresh vegetables, crackers, sauces). Next, heartier appetizers appear– usually seafood. Then there is soup. After that, a large grilled fish shows up on a big platter, delicately seasoned and sprinkled with fresh herbs. So you are starting to think, all right, are we full yet? And then there is more, usually a pork dish of some kind, maybe meat and vegetables cooked at the table, also fried rice. Finally, a big platter of fruit will be delivered. There are buckets of ice, bottles of water, soft drinks, and beer, and a bottle of whiskey on each table. The whiskey has the amusing name of Hong Thong, but before you get any funny ideas, thong (pronounced “tong”) means “gold” (in color) and I think “hong” means swan – so, golden swan, not a bad name for whiskey, hm?  Most of the time, only the men drink whiskey. The contents of those bottles vanish in a hurry, and a new bottle appears as soon as the first one is empty. This type of meal is served at all festive events, not just weddings.

Back to the wedding: Finally all the guests had arrived, so Nik and Dui could stop posing for photo-ops and enter the hall. The groom didn’t come in singing this time, but later in the evening, the bride sang a song to him, in English (“How can I live without you?”). I had wanted to show you a short video of their entrance, but when it hadn't uploaded after two hours, I decided to give it a miss.

Instead, here are Nik and Dui at the end of the evening, going around to all the tables to thank everyone for coming.

After all this, I thought you might be wondering about differences between American and Thai weddings, so I made a brief Q + A.

Do the couples exchange vows?  - No, that’s not part of Thai tradition. They stand with their parents in front of the guests, thank their parents for all they’ve done for them, and affirm their love for their parents and each other.

Do the couples exchange rings?  -- Yes, this is done at the engagement party.

What about bridesmaids? Best man? – I’m not sure how this works here. You can see, in the picture of Mie’s husband singing to her, that the bride is accompanied by two friends wearing the wedding’s theme color and a little boy with a bouquet, but I don’t know what their role is other than to walk her in. The Emcees, who are usually close friends of the bride, have some responsibilities similar to those of best man and maid of honor, notably making speeches. Nook-Nik’s Emcee was her sister – who in turn got married two months later, with Nik as her Emcee.

When do they open their gifts? – Usually, the guests give money. You put it into the envelope the invitation came in (which has your name on the front, so the bride and groom will know who it’s from) and drop it into a bowl or box at the sign-in table. After you sign the guest book, you are given a little keepsake of the wedding, such as a tiny teacup, painted glass, or key ring.

What about wedding cake?  -- I’ve read that there may be wedding cake, but it wasn’t part of these weddings as far as I know. Remember, though, I only attended the evening parties.

Dancing! Is there dancing? – There was some dancing at Mie’s wedding, and also at Nik’s, after the dinner and all speeches were finished. But it didn’t go on into the night like at American weddings. Most guests left by about 10pm. I’m not sure, but my guess is that dancing at Gung’s wedding, at her parents’ house, would have gone on into the wee hours, but I had gone home.

You may have more questions – and there’s more to learn about Thai weddings.  But I’m out of answers for now.